Playing in a winter wonderland, pt. 2

Little I. gets tired of waiting for A. and M. in all this cold and hits the Castle Cafe and a cup of hot chocolate.

The adventuresome five-year-olds finally stop sliding and join I. for a hot drink. Yes, the table is made of ice.

Little I. sings

Baby N. Lurves A.

M3 W1 D5: On solo parenting

As I enter well into my third month of being home alone with three small children, I think I'm doing all right. My home is never truly clean and I still have fits of the sullens (and the occasional rage caused by pure frustration). But I'm coping, and coping well.

In the end, I'm grateful for this experience of solo parenting, because I have a small insight into the life of a single parent. I now understand the exhaustion, the boredom, and the feeling of being completely overwhlemed. But I also understand I am NOT a single parent.

Single parents are alone, usually, for the duration of the child-raising experience. They get no break today and they know they will not get a break until their youngest child is about 18 years old. There is no end date, no spouse on the phone with whom to vent or share milestones. No husband or wife saying, "I wish I was there. You're doing a great job. I love you."

I know this will end soon. I know The Hubby can't wait to get his hands on our rugrats. I know my work is appreciated by another adult. I am blessed and I know it.

My deepest admiration for all the single parents out there. You're doing a great job.

M3 W1 D3: Just can't compose a post

I dealt with business taxes tonight, and everything I want to say is either unkind or much too melodramatic. So I will say only this: I miss the good money I used to make and how, at one point, my debt load was shrinking quickly and efficiently.

I remember when tax return season meant another student loan gone forever. Not anymore.

The Hubby better not be sailing during next tax season.

PS. Today was weigh-in day. I lost another 2.5 pounds! Total loss: 7.5 lbs

Baby N. is getting on her knees!

M3 W1 D1: Sitting pretty

Baby N.'s new high chair arrived from Sears this week. (Thanks, Aunt G. and Uncle C.!) The children and I thought a picture was in order:

M2 W4 D5: Half-way point

Today marks the exact centre of my journey into solo parenthood, and The Hubby's basic training. There are many things I'd like to write about; I could fill several pages. But for the sake of brevity, I'll only give you a few:

• I am amazed at how good and kind and caring the people around us truly are. I thank God every single day for such wonderful friends. I also thank Him for the opportunity to rediscover that.
• I'm getting through this day by day. Some days I don't do well. Others I do amazingly well, and my home and children just seem to sing with order and cleanliness and happiness. The bad days often outnumber the amazing ones, however.
• Busy and hectic as it is, I've discovered this time is a great time to work on myself and to do some small things for me. I don't think I could have started Weight Watchers with Hubby here, although I don't know why. He would have been supportive. I just think I need to start this on my own.
• My children are adjusting as best as little ones can to essentially losing a parent for a quarter of a year. I am mostly proud of them, but that pride is well mixed with exasperation most days.
• Baby N. is so cute I want to eat her! Except now she's discovered roaring like a lion gets everyone to run to her to see what's the matter. She laughs now after she does it. Drama queen.
• Although my mother is an entire country away, she is still my rock. Thanks, Mom.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me strength one minute at a time, one day at a time. Seven and a half weeks down. Seven and a half weeks to go.

PS. By the way, the Dr. Phil show will be airing an entire segment on hyperemesis gravidarum, or HG, sometime in the next three weeks. Stay tuned to find out the exact date.

M2 W4 D3: Beginning of success

Today was my first weigh-in day. I lost 5 pounds!!! Can't think of a better motivation to continue.

I'm feeling much better mentally, too. The boys behaved very well at Mass yesterday, then they spent the afternoon at Grandma G.'s. It was sunny and cold; I took Baby N. out in the Chariot stroller, wrapped in a cocoon of blankets, and went for a long walk. I was even able to shovel my driveway.

Off to make breakfast. Lalala!

Calm out the window

I can't believe how much can change in less than 12 hours.

I'm done. I'm just done with being ignored and picked on and provoked. If these kids weren't my very heart, I would walk out the door.

The baby cried all day -- every time I put her down. EVERY time! So I got nothing done. I stayed home all day to clean and got no cleaning done.

I am also getting another intraductal yeast infection. It hurts to nurse. Thanks, antibiotics.

Little I. moped and whined and tantrumed and refused to talk to his father on the phone.

A. blatantly ignored me all evening, even as I was telling him he had poop on his bum and to NOT touch it. He looked me straight in the eyes, touched it and almost put his freaking finger in his mouth. I grabbed it just in time and frog-marched him to the sink. I wanted to shake him. It took every last ounce of my strength, and probably the arms of his guardian angel, to hold me back.

I ended the night a bawling mess. I would never hurt my kids, but I think my emotional state frightened them.

I sat down on their bed and apologized, making it clear that I am responsible for my actions, not them. They sweetly forgave. "Mommy," Little I. said, shaking a finger, "you frew a tantwum! You need to cool off!"

I want to EAT, but just keep telling myself that food fixes hunger, not a broken mommy heart.

M2 W4 D1: A period of calm

Things seem to be on an even keel around here for a change. The children are behaving much better than last week (especially last weekend, when A. threw a giant tantrum at a friend's house).

The boys are asleep by 8:30 every night, and up at 6:30 every morning. The early rise is tiring but it's worth it. I enjoy having a few hours to myself in the evenings. It helps me unwind, even when I'm doing chores.

Baby N. is learning all sorts of new things lately. She can clap her hands, and has started to creep forwards rather than backwards. She is also starting to try to get up on her hands and knees. I have video of that; I will post it shortly.

My diet is going well, too. I weighed myself yesterday morning after I dreamed I had gained weight (couldn't resist some reassurance after that!) I had already lost 3.5 pounds. My official "weigh-in" is on Monday morning. I often find I'm hungry, but I am eating very balanced meals. I think the hunger is due to my stomach not having shrunk yet. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

I'm totally addicted to the online Points Tracker at Weight Watchers. It's like a new toy! Some things I've learned:

• McDonald's food is NOT worth the points. I have 32 points in a day. A McDonald's hamburger cost me 5 the other day. A Big Mac would cost 12! A medium fries is 10! That's most of a day's worth of calories. And you're hungry an hour later. No thanks.
• Every type of lettuce costs 0 points. I'm eating lots of lettuce.
• I was eating enormous portions at every meal and every time I had a 16 oz. glass of milk. No wonder I couldn't lose weight.
• You get to eat more if you exercise. So I'm going to go do my Pilates video.

Eight weeks until The Hubby finishes his training. Almost halfway there.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!

Happy 33rd wedding anniversary, Mom and Dad. We love you!

M2 W3 D5: Weight Watching

That's it. I've had enough of being fat. I've joined Weight Watchers.

I suppose an explanation is in order. First off, you need to know the background. I was a thin child and a thin teenager. I stand about 5'3". In high school, I weighed about 115 to 120 pounds. I wore a size 6 to 8. And I ate and drank whatever I wanted while doing little physical exercise.

Then I went to university. Between Freshman 15, birth control pills (worst idea I EVER had!), overeating and a metabolic change, I put on 50 to 60 pounds in 4 years. It was completely depressing.

After I had A., I lost 30 of those pounds. But they've been steadily creeping back ever since my pregnancy with Little I.. I have no extra weight from the pregnancy with N., since the HG made sure everything I did eventually gain was water and baby and placenta.

On Sunday, the Hubby managed to get to a computer with a webcam at basic training. Let me tell you, he looks HOT! He hasn't looked this ripped and lean since high school. (I know exactly what he looked like in high school because we started dating at 17.) GO, HUBBY, GO!

I, however, do not look anything like I did in high school. I know I never will: three pregnancies and three rounds of breastfeeding in five years have an undeniable impact on the body. Heck, even the Cesarean scar is going to affect how I carry weight around my middle for the rest of my life. I'm never going to be a teenager again, nor would I trade my kiddos for the chance.

But I want to look better than I do now. I want to look like me again. I want to be able to find clothes that fit. I want to feel strong and healthy and in control of my eating habits. I want to fit into my "skinny jeans" I bought after I shed all that weight with A!

Two days in, and I'm doing all right. I don't feel deprived. I'm allowed the occasional indulgence. And I'm learning a lot about portion control.

Maybe Hot Hubby will come home to Somewhat Hot Wife. (NB: The Hubby loves me just the way I am, and I know it. Heck, he loves my body best when I'm pregnant! This is for me.)

PS. The doctor says my infection is gone. Here's hoping she's right.

N. learned to clap today!

To Al's Toy Barn, and beyond!

M2 W3 D4: Antibiotic Carousel

My kidney infection is getting better. There's only one problem: I keep reacting to every antibiotic the doctors put me on.

The first doctor put me on Suprax on Thursday. By Saturday I was so dizzy and nauseous I threw up. Off to the ER I went, my friend M. driving my Bratmobile and her husband S. watching my kids.

The doctor there changed my meds. He put me on Sulfatrim. I immediately improved, and was able to go to Mass on Sunday, and have a normal Monday.

But last night, I developed a cough and a rash -- two serious side effects to the new drug, according to the insert that came with it. Plus, you need to drink a lot of water while on sulfa drugs. I thought I was over my water aversion from HG. Guess not. Drinking a whole glass in a few minutes set me off again -- more puking. I can't even look at water today.

So I called the clinic, but the only appointment they had was 11 o'clock. I'm not dressed yet; the baby howled all morning. There was no way I would get there on time with all three kids. So I scheduled an appointment for tomorrow, during MFRC child care.

I wanted to talk to a doctor today. Should I stop the drugs? What do we try next? What would be better for breastfeeding? Much of the liquid I drink goes to my breasts; I can't deal with something dehydrating like the sulfa.

My own doc isn't in the clinic today. I just wish I could talk to her.

So I'm not taking the sulfa today. Watch, the infection will come right back. Sigh.

For the Hubby

M2 W2 D7: Feel rotten

My kidney infection is getting worse, so expect light blogging for awhile. Prayers appreciated!

M2 W2 D6: Treats and tricks

I have noticed a pattern. A. punishes me every time he gets a special food treat.

I'm sick today. I have a kidney infection and needed to see the doctor and go on antibiotics (I hate antibiotics, and if you breastfeed and have ever had thrush, you know why.) The children spent the doctor's appointment at the MFRC (have I mentioned lately how much I love the MFRC staff? These women are my rock.) Afterwards, I realized I had zero groceries and was too sick to go shopping, and the boys were snackish. We picked up some Timbits.

I ordered pizza for supper tonight; I was just too sore and tired to stand at the stove and cook.

After supper, A. was acting up. I corrected him. He proceeded to tell me he hates me and I never do anything nice!!!!

I sent him to his room because I was this close to hitting him.

After I calmed down, I went to him and calmly informed him that I have noticed a pattern; all of his major tantrums and general treating-mommy-like-garbage moments have happened after he has had a treat (usually a food treat, but sometimes an adventure.)

So I am not buying any food treats for a week. Nor am I baking.

He was extremely upset, but c'mon. In what world are you rewarded for walking all over someone? Not in this world. If he is going to treat me like garbage after a treat, there won't be any treats for awhile.

I'm done. The parenting experts may be shocked, but he's got to learn he is not some prince and I am not the cook, maid, butler and nanny. He treats me like sh*t, he loses a privilege.

I did tell him I loved him and always will, treats or no treats.

M2 W2 D5: Mommy and me

I took A. out alone today, just the two of us. It was the first time we've been alone for an hour since the Hubby left.

He loved it. He smiled and laughed and talked my ear off. This is the A. I remember.

At one point he said, " You like to listen to me, don't you, Mom?"

The poor little guffer. I wiped my eye, smiled and said, "I love to, little buddy. Tell me some more."

He was an angel the rest of the day.